I wrote this for you

is one of my favorite bloggers and blogspots on this entire world wide web.
I read his old posts constantly as a consoloation that i'm not the only one who feels the way i do, and maybe i'm not alone. there's someone out there that knows how to say what i can't find the words to.


- You can walk into a room and spot them. They seem fine when you talk to them but every now and again, across the room, you catch them looking off into the distance at an invisible point that maybe, they once reached. They laugh a little different. They hesitate a little more. Now they know what it feels like. And something about their eyes when they listen to music says

"Turn it up until my ears bleed. Let it be the last thing I hear."

- And you taught me what this feels like.
And then how it feels to lose it.
And you showed me who I wanted.
And then who I wasn't.
And you ticked every box.
And then drew a line.
And you weren't mine to begin with.
And then not to end with.
And you looked like everything I wanted.
And then became something I hated.
And you get thought of every day.
And then not in a good way.
And you let me leave.
And then wish I'd stayed.
And you almost killed me.
But I didn't die.

- You were my friends and I had the best times of my life with you. But these days, all this, all the stars you reached for, all the things you ached for, you've got them and you don't even know it. And all your fulfilled dreams have made you do, is try and rip each other to pieces. Your hopes dipped in bitterness. That's why I hate it.

- There's not enough soil in the earth for how deep I want to be buried.
There's not enough water in the oceans for how slowly I want to sink.
There's not enough fire in the sun for how brightly I want to burn.
There aren't enough words in my head to say all the things I can't.
There's not enough blood in my body for all I need to bleed.
There's aren't enough couches in the world for how long I want to sleep.
There's not enough life in me, for all I want to live.
All I've had enough of, is you.